Two Sketches for Stories Based on the Idea that the First World War Is too Stupid to Have Happened Without Some Kind of Fix Being Put in

1. Time travel is possible, but under tight control in the milieus where it exists. In particular, there is a strictly enforced agreement between the various factions against assassinating historical figures. A cabal intent on delaying a mid-twentieth century advance in quantum mechanics realizes that the best way to get rid of its inventor without making the deed obvious and exposing it to undoing (in the fiction we will allow the sort of mad rewriting via repeated time traveling that Charles Stross does in “Palimpsest”) is to find one of the several averted crises of early 20th century Europe and subtly un-defuse it, thereby killing most of that generation. Whether it works as intended will be left open.

2. In the late nineteenth century the owners of the western world realize that without some kind of really significant culling, the progression of things is going to reach a critical point and a functioning version of Marx’s utopia will become inevitable. The preventative measure they have in mind is essentially a repeat of their 1871 operation, and mechanisms are set up to have a bit of a short sharp shock in 1914, lasting at most two years. Agents are put in place in the various great powers, but then most of the architects die on the Titanic and it gets a bit out of hand.

Stonewall Jackson’s Arm

We were walking past the Jackson and Lee statue on the other side of the BMA and I told Laura the story of a Marine general exhuming Stonewall Jackson’s arm because he didn’t believe it was buried where some dudes said it was. But I misremembered it as Chesty Puller, when in fact it was the rather more awesome Smedley Butler (from Wikipedia we learn aka “The Fighting Quaker” and “Old Gimlet Eye”) (and this is somewhat less distressing than attributing “who’s your fat friend” to Oscar Wilde, but not much).

Anyway, as described here:

In 1921 the U.S. Marine Corps conducted training maneuvers on farms adjacent to Ellwood. The legendary and eccentric commander of this force was General Smedley Butler. According to the then owner of Ellwood, Butler dismissed the notion of Jackson’s arm being buried there and ordered a squad of Marines to dig beneath the Smith marker to prove that nothing was there. Much to his astonishment, they unearthed the arm. Butler had it reburied and ordered a bronze plaque cemented to the top of the stone.

The main thing I take from this anecdote is how funny it would be to have squads of Marines to order around when death is not on the line. When I had been thinking about the story earlier, I had not remembered that the exhumation happened while they were on maneuvers, and had instead imagined Smedley Butler going around to parties and things accompanied by a small troop of Marines, presumably with a disassembled field piece distributed among them so that they could storm the occasional fortified position.

And I think that “The Adventures of Smedley Butler and Stonewall Jackson’s Arm,” in which the somewhat zombified arm flies around and is conscious, would make a pretty sweet comic.

Weird Moments in Virtualization

I find that Xen has a settings file named “permitted_clock_jitter” in /proc/sys/xen. I found this out when trying to discover why my DomU machine won’t shut down, but instead claims that it “Cannot access the Hardware Clock via any known method” and that “Time went backwards.” The latter claim, particularly, seems dubious, but the shutdown log is pretty adamant.

Note: if you got here by searching for that error message, I’d like to first say “ugh, sorry,” and then let you know that I solved this in the end by giving up on Xen and doing a normal install of Debian on the server I was setting up.

A Good Pair of Frogs

In repose on their rock.

In repose on their rock.

The frogs pictured above are White’s Tree Frogs, who are part of an exhibit we installed at the Discovery Place. When I was setting up the computer equipment there, I would often go look in on them in their space, and they would always be looking around with that froggy equanimity which I think comes across pretty clearly in the picture. They also liked to sit nearly on top of each other, which they are not doing here.